"Undecided"

Personal Log
Stardate: 150309
Colony Commander's Residence

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Now perhaps a few days of peace will be afforded me. Since my return from the asteroid belt in a neighbouring sector, I have been overrun with details, duties... and a sad death that has brought me a level of grief that was entirely unexpected. I had also to deal with the Senghor twins, following through on my promise to house Ms Idrissa Senghor and the orphan child, Shenshi Fukujuso. And then there is Mr Souleymane Senghor, currently absent on a supply run to Takaar, N'doto, and perhaps other local systems.

I admit to a level of discomfort now.

The days spent with him on the mission to save the captured civilians, have ended in a personal relationship I neither wanted or needed. Ms Fukujuso, desiring, I suppose, to have someone in the role of 'mom and dad', chose us. I could not very well disabuse her of this notion, as she was and is fragile after the trauma of her experiences at the hands of the slavers. This forced me to spent time in Mr Senghor's company. It was pleasant. We got to know each other, a little. He says he loves me. All in a few short weeks. It all feels too easy and convenient. Perhaps that is the way of humans, to latch onto each other and say nice things, in order to make their loneliness a little less powerful. Now I am... uncomfortable. I had made a life here, for these past four years. A romance with someone who sails often in the grey waters of almost illegal import and export, someone who dislikes and disrespects Starfleet, someone who disturbs my equilibrium with irritation and... emotion. I don't like how I feel right now. I like how I feel right now. I don't want this. I want this. I made this mistake once before, allowing someone to know me, and giving all I had, only to be wounded so deeply I almost died, and my youngling with me. That which is within me was forever scarred. So yes, a few days of peace, are welcome.

I return to my daily routines. I have been for my morning run through the Colony, each day bringing new details. A building's frame completed here, a tree erupting into full bloom there, rain falling on the ocean, the scent of the flowers in my garden welcoming me home. Something more today, though. In front of my door, a small box. Inside, lovely fresh fruits and vegetables. I can only think it's from the new Café, run by Ms Senghor, in nearby Pebble.

There is the inevitable Council meeting on Tuesday. A delegation from Treman wishes to speak. I will attend, of course, in full regalia, my honour guard around me. I receive regular reports from Task Force Ictus, the USS Davy Crockett is lead ship, some interesting scientific, historical and cultural information being found in Sig Sigma Alpha and nearby systems. There are a myriad of domestic concerns as well.

I have a breakfast meeting here, at 0700, with various members of staff. After that, perhaps a walk to Majel Community Hospital to check in on the new OiC, Dr Morath Landfall, before a briefing in mission control. A short flight to a school in Agate, where the children have their sports day and the local town begins a planting fair. An hour there, and home again. I have instructed my yeoman to keep what remains of the day free of other commitments. I plan to take my private shuttle for a survey of the hills north of here.

A spurt of joy inside. She will beam down from the shuttle to a deserted spot. There she will... run free... for the first time in weeks.

I will spend the evening in my garden. I have been gone too long and there is much weeding to do.

=A=